Before You Move In Together: What You Should Talk About First

So my best friend, Anna, has decided to leave me in sunny South Florida to move in with her boyfriend in freezing Ohio. Since she has not lived with a significant other before, she asked me for some advice. She mostly wanted to know what I thought the most important things to talk about and work out before moving in together were. Considering she is leaving in less than two days, hopefully all will be fine!

So anyway, I thought about it and thought about it while lying in bed last night and came up with some of the things that my now-husband and I used to fight over a lot when we first moved in together.

Joseph and I have been living together since September 2011 and were just "boyfriend and girlfriend" when we decided to move in together. By the way, I am a HUGE advocate for living together before getting engaged/married. Forget the whole "He won't buy the cow if he gets the milk for free," crap. One year and 3 months later, I had a rock on my finger (not that getting married is something all women are looking for, nor is it something they should be looking for - I understand marriage is not for everyone. There was a time when I seriously thought it wasn't for me either.).  We had been dating for a little over 3 1/2 years and thought we knew what it was going to be like living together. We went on vacations together to see if we could be around each other for 24 hours a day for 7-10 days at a time. We even went on a cruise and lived harmoniously in a human-sized sardine can of a sleeping cabin. We thought we knew each others bad habits and annoying quirks. We. Had. No. Idea.

When people say the first year of living together is the hardest (this is usually said about marriage since traditionally, couples do not live together until they were married, but I say screw tradition), they are not joking. We had never been that couple that fought. We bickered here and there like normal couples, but we never had, like, fights. We got into screaming matches over stuff I never dreamed of. SO! Long story longer, here are some things I would suggest new couples work out before signing that lease.

1. Bad habits
More than likely (and hopefully), you have been together long enough to have spent a decent amount of time in each others home before moving in together. You should already have a pretty good idea of what your partner's bad habits are. If there is something that you see as potentially very bothersome, talk about it before you move in together. Do not expect that your partner will suddenly break a habit that took probably years and years to develop just because they now have to share their space with someone else.

For instance, I am really bad about doing my laundry and my clothes are always scattered in random places throughout the house. When Joseph would come over my house, he would joke about my clothes being everywhere, but he seemed accepting of it. Until my clothes were all over his house, too. Not just mine. We still fight about this, but I am at least trying to get better. Also, he has a bad habit of hoarding receipts and keeping them in crumpled messy piles all over his dresser. I absolutely cannot stand this, but I knew he did it before we moved in together. However, I didn't realize how much it bugged me until his messy dresser was in my bedroom.

If there is something that you think will be a deal breaker that you just absolutely will not tolerate unless your partner changes their ways, talk about it. Communication really is key in a healthy relationship - talk, talk, talk! Get it all out and then move on to the next step with you both on the same page.

2. Bills
Have this worked out before moving in so there are no surprises later. Will the bills be in your name, theirs, or will you divide them? How will you split the bills? When will you sit down and figure out who owes the other what?

To keep things simple, we put everything in Joseph's name and he pays all the bills as they come in. We split everything except the mortgage equally (he bought the house - we did not buy it together before getting married) because at the time, he made a lot more money than I did. However, we figured out my fair share and agreed. At the end of the month, after all the bills have been paid, Joseph divides the total number in half and I write him a check. Not very romantic, but this is life as a barely middle class young couple.

3. Food
Who will be responsible for providing food for the house? Will all the burden be placed on one person? Will you go one week and then they will go the next? Will you do all of your shopping together? How will you keep track of food costs to make sure each is paying their fair share (food is expensive!)? What will your weekly/monthly food budget be (this is probably the most important factor to work out)?

Once again, to keep things simple, we gave all the food responsibilities to one person: yours truly. It is my duty to brave the Publix parking lot each week. Having one person be in charge was the easiest way we found to keep track of costs. Plus, Joseph hates the grocery store (not that I am super fond of it either, but I guess I tolerate it better) and honestly, he wouldn't know what to buy anyway. I once sent him to the grocery store to buy Pillsbury Crescent Rolls - he came back with croissants from the bakery section. Delicious, but not the right thing. Not the right thing at all. Bless his heart.

Also, who will be in charge of cooking? You cannot afford to eat take out every night (or maybe you can, I don't know. But most likely you can't), so who will be responsible for putting the food on the table? In addition, you may want to make an arrangement that whomever doesn't cook, cleans the dishes. I do all the cooking and Joseph does all the dishes. 

4. Pets
Do either of you have a pet of your own? Is the other person really okay with sharing their house with said pet? Will they be sharing in the responsibilities of taking care of said pet and adopt them as their own, or will the main responsibility remain with the primary pet owner?

If neither of you has a pet before moving in together, does one of you want one? Does the other person want one, too? Are they at least open to the idea? Are they allergic to animals? Is not having a pet a deal breaker? If the other person agrees to live with a pet, will they share the responsibilities of taking care of the pet? A new pet is to be taken VERY seriously - adopting a pet is a huge commitment and should not be done unless the other person is truly willing to commit as well. Animals are not disposable - it causes them great distress when their bonds with their humans are suddenly broken. Do not get a pet with the attitude that you can just get rid of it if things don't work out.

Neither Joseph nor I had pets before moving in together. Joseph had never had a pet before in his life (seriously) and I had ALWAYS had pets growing up - and most of the time, multiple pets. Before moving in together, I was adamant that we must have pets and that I could not live in a home without animals. Joseph, not having any allergies, agreed to share the home with pets and we decided that two pets was reasonable for both of us. However, he did make his preference for a cat over a dog known since they are less maintenance. Disappointed because I was looking forward to finally having my own dog, I agreed, because I do really love kitties and have always had a kitty.

We now have a cat named Jane Eyre (although we call her The Bees - I have no idea what possesses us to call her this, but it's really cute when my husband says, "Oh no! It's the attack of the killer bees!" - it's seriously my favorite thing) and a chinchilla named Paco.

I can't resist sharing photos of my adorable fur babies! They are just the cutest little fluffs!

5. Chores
Ah, the dreaded chores. At least for lazy people like me, they are dreaded. Joseph and I are still working this one out, but in a perfect world this is what we would do:

We would make a list of all the chores that need to be done around the house (not just IN the house). We would then sit together, review the list, and divide it equally by allowing each other to choose the chores we feel we can tolerate the most. This way, we would have a clear distinction of who is responsible for what and each of us would do our fair share. And we wouldn't totally hate our chores since we picked them ourselves. By the way, we are totally doing this in the very near future - we must.

Also, will there be a certain day you will do chores together? Or will you each just be responsible for doing your chores separately whenever each of you gets around to them?

6. Sleeping 
Does one of you snore really loud? Are one of you a night owl and the other is an "early to bed, early to rise," kind of person? Do you have opposite working schedules that force you to sleep at different times?

Joseph and I do not have any of these problems, but we know many couples who do. Sleep is incredibly important not only to your personal health, but to the health of your relationship. If neither of you are sleeping well, you will be cranky and more likely to fight.

The only time my husband and I ever ran into this sort of problem with sleeping arrangements was when I was in grad school. There were some nights that I had to stay up all night writing a paper. Instead of disturbing him by messing with the covers, crawling into bed, and plugging in my phone, I would sleep downstairs on the couch those nights. 

Bottom line, it may be necessary for you to sleep separately. Maybe not all the time, but every-so-often. Some may think that sleeping separately is a nail in the coffin for a relationship, but many times, it actually dramatically improves the relationship. Talk about each others sleep needs and how you will address any problems. Mostly, figure out who it is that will get the boot to the couch so you don't fight about it later.

7. Fighting 
You are going to fight. It is inevitable. Talk about how you plan to address conflicts in a constructive manner. Also, you may want to each establish a "safe place" in the home. This is a place where each of you can go, undisturbed, to cool off while in a fight to better prevent regretful words from being spoken. Remember, once the words are said, they can never be taken back, no matter how many times one stresses they didn't mean it.

I made sure the home we moved into was two stories. I wanted the ability to completely separate myself from Joseph if I needed to get away for a few minutes to calm down. When we get in a fight, up the stairs and into our bedroom I go. Once I calm down, I go back downstairs (or Joseph comes upstairs) and we talk it out.

8.  Personal Space
Everyone needs some "Me Time." It is important for personal growth and reflection. A relationship cannot flourish if the people in it are not flourishing and growing as well.

Talk about what your personal needs are for alone time and agree to be understanding and not get upset or offended if your partner asks to be left alone for a little while. 

I know that when Joseph is in our office with the door almost closed and with the music on, he is most likely partaking in his "Me Time," and I leave him alone. He likes to write and make music, so I try to just let him do his thang. Also, he listens to music on his headphones every night before going to bed. This used to bother me and I would accuse him of tuning me out, but now I understand that is his "Me Time" that he just happens to have while lying next to me.

In addition to "Me Time," how will you handle having guests over? Both of you may be used to just inviting your friends over whenever you damn well feel like it. However, you will now be sharing a space with someone else and that someone else may not want to have people over at the same time you do. Talk about standard protocol for inviting friends over to make sure you do not overwhelm each other with company.

9. Expectations 
This can apply to many different things dealing with your new arrangements. 

What are each of your expectations for your relationship? Where is it headed? Is moving in together your final stepping stone or will there be wedding bells at some point afterward? If you both want to get married, is there a general time frame either of you would like to be engaged within?

What are your expectations of each other? Is one of you supposed to be going back to school? Or finishing school? How about looking for a new job because the one they are in is a dead-end or they should be striving for something better? Do you expect your partner to achieve a certain goal by a certain time?

What are your general expectations? How much quality time would you like to spend together? Will you have a designated date night (Just because you are going to be living together does not mean you stop dating each other. Ever.)?  Will there be a limit to things like video game playing (No, you should not try to control your partner or try to change them, but unless you are playing video games together, excessive video game-playing can cause a lot of serious tension in a relationship.)?

Just talk to each other about what you are both expecting, in general, of living together. If there are certain things you are expecting your partner to do or not do, talk about them. Do not think for a second that your partner is a mind reader because this assumption will lead you to many, many, many fights. Trust me, I know from experience.

Living together can really be wonderful, so long as you are with the right person. Ultimately, living together is going to require a lot of compromise and you will understand the true meaning behind, the saying "Pick your battles." If either of you is too stubborn or too proud to make any concessions, you may find yourself in trouble.

I love coming home to Joseph every night and waking up next time him every morning. It is a nice feeling to share your home with someone you love and who loves you back. We both had to learn to be more open minded to each others ways and flaws, and to work out conflicts constructively rather than with pure aggression. So long as both of you are willing to work out the kinks together as a team and drop the ego, you will be fine.

A Romantic Night In

 So, once again, Joseph and I got married two weeks ago. Our bank accounts are essentially depleted and we are hurtin'!

We have never made a big deal of Valentine's Day all 6 years we have been together. We give each other a card, he maybe gives me some flowers (most of the time it's just a single rose, which is totally fine), and we go out to a moderately priced dinner - nothing ever really fancy, but I guess just a little bit more special than our typical weekly Saturday Date Night. No gifts. No candy. Nothing crazy or expensive.

This year, however, is the first year that we decided to stay in. Pretty much every year I have dabbled with the idea, but have always thought that cooking, cleaning up, and hanging out in my own house did not seem as romantic as going to a crowded, loud, and anything-but-intimate restaurant. However, in that crowded restaurant, I do not have to cook or clean.

Because financially we did not have much of a choice this year but to stay in, I decided to make the best of it. And I was pleasantly surprised! We had such a lovely and romantic evening!

Mr. Sophie (I love Pride & Prejudice and 19th century literature, so I like to call him this!) cannot cook to save his life. However, for our romantic night in, I commissioned him to cook alongside me so it felt more like we were actually spending the evening together.

It turned out that creating something together was incredibly romantic! I loved that I got to spend so much quality time with him and we worked as a team to create some pretty yummy noms. We put on some romantic tunes by some of our faves like Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Ella Fitzgerald and then we ate our creations by candlelight with a couple of glasses of Sauvignon Blanc.

And the best part?  His gift to me was cleaning up!

We made a simple salad of romaine lettuce, tomatoes, store bought cheese-garlic croutons, store bought Italian dressing, and a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese.

For dinner, we made Chicken Spinach Alfredo Lasagna Roll-Ups (keep scrolling for the recipe!)

And lastly for dessert, we made Mini Chocolate Peanut Butter Trifles (again, keep scrolling for the recipe). I thought this was perfect as it was so easy to make the recipe to suit just two people without having any leftovers. Since it was Valentine's Day, we decided it was OK to be a bit decadent, but we need to get back into our normal healthy(ish) routine. Plus, our honeymoon to Malta is coming up in May, so I need to watch out before we hit those Mediterranean beaches! 

So my advice to you? Opt for a romantic date night in! Yes, cooking, cleaning, and spending quality time together in your home can be and IS romantic! Have fun and enjoy each other's company.

Chicken Spinach Alfredo Roll-Ups
(Makes 10-12 rolls - each person eats 2-3 rolls) 

1 package of your favorite lasagna noodles (I used Dreamfields)
2 large chicken breasts, boiled and shredded (use 2 forks to do this) 
1 package frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained
1 jar of your favorite jarred Alfredo sauce (I guess you could make your own if you want) 
1 small container of ricotta cheese (I think the 10oz size? I forgot to look)
1 egg
2 cups of shredded Mozzarella cheese (1 store bought package)
1/4 cup (plus extra for sprinkling) Parmesan cheese
1/2 tablespoon Italian seasoning
1/2 tablespoon garlic powder
Parsley for sprinkling (optional - it's just for decoration, really) 
Salt
Pepper

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

2. Cook noodles according to package directions. Once noodles have cooked, drain in a colander and rinse them under cold water. This will remove the starch so they don't stick together and will also cool them so they will be easy to work with.
 

3. While noodles are cooking, in a medium-sized mixing bowl, mix together ricotta cheese, Parmesan cheese, egg, garlic powder, Italian seasoning, and salt and pepper to taste. After you have mixed all ingredients well, add about 1/4 cup (you can be a little more generous of you want) of Mozzarella cheese. Mix again to incorporate.

4. In a larger mixing bowl, add the ricotta mixture, shredded chicken, and spinach. Mix well with a spoon.

5. On a clean surface (I used a large cutting board), lay out some noodles. Spoon ricotta mixture over noodles and spread evenly. Roll the noodles up and place them in a baking dish with a thin layer of Alfredo sauce on the bottom and sprayed with non-stick cooking spray. Repeat until all of your filling is used up (you will have noodles left over, don't panic!).

Look how pretty!

6. Spoon some Alfredo sauce over the noodles and top with Mozzarella cheese. For both the sauce and the cheese, use however much you are comfortable using. If you want your lasagna super saucy and cheesy, use whatcha got! If you are trying to keep it kind of low-cal, you can use less (the latter is what we did). Sprinkle the top with Parmesan cheese and parsley.

7. Cover with aluminum foil and bake for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes, remove the foil and bake for another 15 minutes so that the cheese gets a little browned and bubbly.

 8. ENJOY!

While dinner is baking away to delicious goodness, you have time to make dessert!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Mini Trifles

2 ounces cream cheese, softened
1/4 cup creamy peanut butter
1/4 cup confectioners sugar
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon milk (I used almond milk) 
Jarred fudge sundae topping 
Whipped cream
About 6 cookies (I used Chips Ahoy since that is what I had on hand) 
2 small cups (like punch-sized)

1. In a large bowl, beat cream cheese, peanut butter, confectioners sugar, vanilla, and milk until combined and looks like a mousse. You can use a stand mixer with the whisk attachment or handheld mixer - both will work.

2. For each trifle, crush a cookie and place in the bottom of cup. 

3. Spoon peanut butter mousse over cookies. 

4. Spoon some fudge sauce over the mousse. 

5. Repeat until all mousse has been used up  (two peanut butter layers per trifle) 

6. Top each trifle with whipped cream and crushed cookies. 

(Recipe adapted from original recipe here: http://www.mybakingaddiction.com/tagalong-peanut-butter-parfaits/) 

9 Things I Learned From My Wedding

So I have been married now for less than two weeks. I may still be a little jaded since the wedding was not that long ago, but whatever. During the planning process and the wedding itself, I came away with a few things I would like to share.

Pretty much everything I "learned," I already knew because I read about many of these things by reading other blogs. However, I feel like you don't really learn until you experience it for yourself. Like when people say, "Being a parent is the hardest job in the world - it is literally the most difficult thing you will ever do." And you just "yes" these people to death and you say to yourself that you are prepared for things not to be easy and you think you know just how tough it will be.

Then you have your baby one day and you say to yourself, "Oh my God! This is so hard! I'm exhausted, but this living tiny human is completely dependent upon me and I HAVE to get out of bed. Why didn't anyone prepare me for this?!" But they did, and you thought you knew, but you didn't really know. And I don't know either - I don't have kids.

Anyway! Planning and having a wedding is certainly nowhere near as difficult as I imagine having kids is, but it is a very stressful (and also incredibly  joyful) short and special time in one's life. Particularly a woman's (not being a bad feminist here, but come on).

Just to be clear: I absolutely do not regret having a wedding. I have so many lovely memories of being surrounded by my family and friends. My husband and I felt such incredible love and support by those who mean the most to us and that is something I will always cherish. My wedding was 99% exactly the way I wanted it (nothing is ever perfect - I will re-address this soon) and relatively speaking, very, very little went wrong. Everything was gorgeous and our guests had a blast.

With all that being said, here is what I walked away from this experience with:

1. Nothing is ever perfect, so striving for perfection is setting yourself up for disappointment. 
Some things are inevitably going to go wrong. It's Murphy's Law. Or you may have all these glorious ideas in your head (or strung across your Pinterest boards), but then when it comes time to actually doing those things, you may realize those perfect little extra touches are not in your budget. Those DIY projects can be really expensive. I spent so much money at Michael's on paper, glue, ribbon, glitter, and everything else in between to make the majority of my decorations. I saved a ton of money instead of buying them, but there were many other things I wanted to do, but opted not to because I was running out of money.

2. Don't stress about touches you wanted to add (but couldn't) - no one will notice.
All everyone told me the entire night was how impressed they were with the decorations and how I thought of every little detail. Then, you know, because I'm a woman and have been socialized to not be able to accept a compliment, said thanks and then followed that with how crappy I thought everything was because I wanted to do so much more. To which they said, "No, everything was beautiful and perfect." And no, I don't think they were just being nice - they meant it. So don't fret if your napkins aren't rolled up and secured with pretty gold ribbon tied in a cute little bow. Because who has time for that, really? You don't and I didn't either.

3. Add money to your budget for extra crap you have no intention of spending money on.
You don't even know what this crap is yet, but it will creep up into your wedding plans and you will have to pay for it. I kicked myself several times over because I read this bit of advice a MILLION times on other blogs while I was planning my wedding. I thought I knew better. I thought I was the Budget Master. I created the most beautiful budget spreadsheet  known to man. In the end, I went over budget because of this extra crap. We ended up having to book our DJ for longer than we originally contracted. Also, it's amazing how many items I forgot I needed to buy for all those cutesy little DIY touches and had to make many unexpected trips to Michael's. And then there were things I just didn't budget myself enough money for because you don't really know how much something is going to cost until you go to buy it. Like I HAD to have a tree stump for a cake stand. I figured, "How expensive can a tree stump be? Trees are everywhere!" Turns out, they cost a lot more than I budgeted. But I bought it anyway. I really wanted it. And one last thing: gratuities!

4. Don't wait until the last minute to do ANYTHING.
So, I, like most modern brides, surfed Pinterest for ideas for my wedding. I came across the perfect solution to escort cards. I didn't want to write out all those little cards and honestly, I'm a little tired of them - they are so standard. I wanted something different. So someone pinned pieces of vellum paper with the table number and names printed on them, rolled into a cylinder, and secured with double stick tape with an electric tea light in the middle to make it a luminary. Someone on Etsy was selling them for about $5 each. I thought, "I have 10 tables, times $5, that's $50. I can buy vellum paper for $5 total. I'll make them myself." And this strategy would have been fine, but I waited until the last minute (I kind of couldn't print them until I had my seating arrangements, which I couldn't do until I had all my RSVPs, so I don't totally blame this problem on my procrastination obsession). I waited until the day before my wedding to print them. The ink ran everywhere. They were a ruined mess. I then had to go to Michael's (I kept that store in business for the last 13 months) to buy more vellum to try again. I realized there's a matte side and I printed on the waxy side. Well, with everything else I had to do, I didn't get around to printing them again until 11pm. The ink wasn't totally dry, but it was a significant improvement. I left them to dry over night and thought I was going to have time to roll and tape them the next day - MY WEDDING DAY. To make a long story longer, I never had time to roll them. The coordinator at my venue had to roll them as guests were arriving for my ceremony and she did a terrible job. But I cannot blame her, it was my fault. SO! Don't wait until the last minute if you want things the way you want them.

5. Be sure to eat throughout the day and always have a bottle of water on the ready.
This goes for brides and grooms. The day is long and hectic. It is easy to forget to eat or convince yourself it's OK not to eat because you will eat later. You will have no idea the next time you will get to eat, so eat every opportunity you get. Same thing with drinking water. Stay hydrated. I almost passed out. Also, make sure you have good attendants. At the wedding, my girls and the Best Man made sure my husband and I got food and drinks the entire wedding. My girls also picked up croissants, fruit, cheese, and juice while we were getting ready. If you have wedding party newbies, ask them ahead of time to make sure they do this. It made all the difference.

6. Try to enjoy the moment. Be in the moment as much as possible.
I read this piece of advice a million times, too, but didn't really understand until my wedding day finally came. The day is a blur and seems as if it goes by in a blink of an eye. I got up at 9am and went to the beauty salon for hair and makeup at 10:30. Next I knew, it was 2:30pm and I was an hour late to leave for the hotel with my girls. From that point until the ceremony itself, I was rushing. Time was fleeting and I didn't have time to breathe or enjoy anything. Even when my husband was reading his vows to me, my mind was racing about so many other things (like photos we still needed to have taken and how we weren't going to have time to do them if we wanted to make it to at least part of the Cocktail Hour) - I didn't even really pay attention to what he was saying. Good thing we ended up hiring a videographer (a non-budgeted expense) so we can relive everything! But, I wish I had let some of that stuff go and lived in the moment a bit more.

7. Make sure you have enough time for your reception. 
This kind of goes along with #7. Everything goes by so fast. That feeling is intensified if you have a short reception. Our reception was only 3 1/2 hours (7:30-11pm). We had to shut everything down at 11pm because our wedding was outside and we had to respect noise ordinances. Also, our reception could not start until 7:30pm because our ceremony could not start until 6pm because we got married at a zoo, which did not close to the public until 5pm. When we were planning, we were thinking how great it was that everything was had to be done in such a small amount of time. That meant everyone had to get out at 11pm so we could relax. It also meant paying our DJ, photographer, and videographer for less time, which saved us money. And it did. But it wasn't really worth it. I would have spent the extra money for at least another hour. Also, having a small time frame leaves very little room for error. For instance, our dinner was 45 minutes late being served. So once everyone was done with dinner, our DJ had to speed up the cake cutting, bouquet toss, and garter toss. Also, because dance time was shortened, our DJ felt he needed to keep energy high (and he was right), so all those pretty slow love songs we were hoping to dance to did not get played. We also never got to just sit and enjoy it. We were pulled in so many directions at one time the entire night to make sure we got to everything and thanked everyone. When booking your venue, ask how long you can have for your reception. If less than 4 hours, take this into serious consideration when comparing it to other venues. In the end, even with the short reception time, I would still choose our venue knowing what I know now. It was perfect for us, but the reception time was a drawback.

8. Get a dress you will be comfortable in all night. 
My dress had a corset. Not just a lace-up back, a full corset with wires pulling me in and everything. Of course when I tried on the dress I got carried away and dismissed my discomfort due to how tiny the dress made my waist look. This was a mistake that I did not realize was a mistake until I was in my dress for an hour. I couldn't breathe because I was being so sucked in and I could not sit down. By the end of the night, my feet were killing me. I wanted to go to my favorite dance club after the wedding since it ended so early, but I opted not to because I was just so uncomfortable. I could not bear the thought of staying in that dress any longer than I had to. I discovered first hand why those stupid bitches on Say Yes to the Dress get two dresses. I was like, "You only get to wear a gorgeous gown with a beautiful train for ONE day! Just suck it up and wear it the whole night!" But boy was I drying for something else to change into immediately after our first dance. So, if you fall in love with a dress with uncomfortable features (like a corset), perhaps consider getting a second dress.

9. Having a traditional wedding is kind of overrated. 
This seems like a harsh thing for me to say and it makes me sad to even think it, but it's kind of true. I spent 13 months being stressed out with wedding plans, my then-fiance and I fought over these plans, and by the time the wedding came, I didn't get to enjoy it. I am still shocked when our guests tell me they had such a great time. I assume all their experiences were the same as mine: I was hot, sweaty, stressed, hungry, and I had one drink the entire night. Turns out, they had a blast. And that's just it: weddings are for everyone else. Everyone is there for the bride and groom, but in the end, a wedding is a big party for your guests. Once again, I do not regret having my wedding. If given the chance to go back in time to do it over again, I would still have a wedding. And I would never tell anyone not to have a wedding that wanted one. However, if there are brides and grooms out there who are on the fence about it and are not being pressured by their Italian mother to have one because they are her only child and daughter (my situation right here),, then I might say save your money and do an awesome destination wedding with just your closest family and friends. Originally, we wanted just about 15 people or so to join us in the Red Wood Forest of California for a small wedding in a tree and dinner at a restaurant. Which would have been just as lovely. Still, I am happy we had a bigger wedding and am grateful that we had financial support from our families to do so. There's just realities that coincide with the fairy tale.