9 Things I Learned From My Wedding

So I have been married now for less than two weeks. I may still be a little jaded since the wedding was not that long ago, but whatever. During the planning process and the wedding itself, I came away with a few things I would like to share.

Pretty much everything I "learned," I already knew because I read about many of these things by reading other blogs. However, I feel like you don't really learn until you experience it for yourself. Like when people say, "Being a parent is the hardest job in the world - it is literally the most difficult thing you will ever do." And you just "yes" these people to death and you say to yourself that you are prepared for things not to be easy and you think you know just how tough it will be.

Then you have your baby one day and you say to yourself, "Oh my God! This is so hard! I'm exhausted, but this living tiny human is completely dependent upon me and I HAVE to get out of bed. Why didn't anyone prepare me for this?!" But they did, and you thought you knew, but you didn't really know. And I don't know either - I don't have kids.

Anyway! Planning and having a wedding is certainly nowhere near as difficult as I imagine having kids is, but it is a very stressful (and also incredibly  joyful) short and special time in one's life. Particularly a woman's (not being a bad feminist here, but come on).

Just to be clear: I absolutely do not regret having a wedding. I have so many lovely memories of being surrounded by my family and friends. My husband and I felt such incredible love and support by those who mean the most to us and that is something I will always cherish. My wedding was 99% exactly the way I wanted it (nothing is ever perfect - I will re-address this soon) and relatively speaking, very, very little went wrong. Everything was gorgeous and our guests had a blast.

With all that being said, here is what I walked away from this experience with:

1. Nothing is ever perfect, so striving for perfection is setting yourself up for disappointment. 
Some things are inevitably going to go wrong. It's Murphy's Law. Or you may have all these glorious ideas in your head (or strung across your Pinterest boards), but then when it comes time to actually doing those things, you may realize those perfect little extra touches are not in your budget. Those DIY projects can be really expensive. I spent so much money at Michael's on paper, glue, ribbon, glitter, and everything else in between to make the majority of my decorations. I saved a ton of money instead of buying them, but there were many other things I wanted to do, but opted not to because I was running out of money.

2. Don't stress about touches you wanted to add (but couldn't) - no one will notice.
All everyone told me the entire night was how impressed they were with the decorations and how I thought of every little detail. Then, you know, because I'm a woman and have been socialized to not be able to accept a compliment, said thanks and then followed that with how crappy I thought everything was because I wanted to do so much more. To which they said, "No, everything was beautiful and perfect." And no, I don't think they were just being nice - they meant it. So don't fret if your napkins aren't rolled up and secured with pretty gold ribbon tied in a cute little bow. Because who has time for that, really? You don't and I didn't either.

3. Add money to your budget for extra crap you have no intention of spending money on.
You don't even know what this crap is yet, but it will creep up into your wedding plans and you will have to pay for it. I kicked myself several times over because I read this bit of advice a MILLION times on other blogs while I was planning my wedding. I thought I knew better. I thought I was the Budget Master. I created the most beautiful budget spreadsheet  known to man. In the end, I went over budget because of this extra crap. We ended up having to book our DJ for longer than we originally contracted. Also, it's amazing how many items I forgot I needed to buy for all those cutesy little DIY touches and had to make many unexpected trips to Michael's. And then there were things I just didn't budget myself enough money for because you don't really know how much something is going to cost until you go to buy it. Like I HAD to have a tree stump for a cake stand. I figured, "How expensive can a tree stump be? Trees are everywhere!" Turns out, they cost a lot more than I budgeted. But I bought it anyway. I really wanted it. And one last thing: gratuities!

4. Don't wait until the last minute to do ANYTHING.
So, I, like most modern brides, surfed Pinterest for ideas for my wedding. I came across the perfect solution to escort cards. I didn't want to write out all those little cards and honestly, I'm a little tired of them - they are so standard. I wanted something different. So someone pinned pieces of vellum paper with the table number and names printed on them, rolled into a cylinder, and secured with double stick tape with an electric tea light in the middle to make it a luminary. Someone on Etsy was selling them for about $5 each. I thought, "I have 10 tables, times $5, that's $50. I can buy vellum paper for $5 total. I'll make them myself." And this strategy would have been fine, but I waited until the last minute (I kind of couldn't print them until I had my seating arrangements, which I couldn't do until I had all my RSVPs, so I don't totally blame this problem on my procrastination obsession). I waited until the day before my wedding to print them. The ink ran everywhere. They were a ruined mess. I then had to go to Michael's (I kept that store in business for the last 13 months) to buy more vellum to try again. I realized there's a matte side and I printed on the waxy side. Well, with everything else I had to do, I didn't get around to printing them again until 11pm. The ink wasn't totally dry, but it was a significant improvement. I left them to dry over night and thought I was going to have time to roll and tape them the next day - MY WEDDING DAY. To make a long story longer, I never had time to roll them. The coordinator at my venue had to roll them as guests were arriving for my ceremony and she did a terrible job. But I cannot blame her, it was my fault. SO! Don't wait until the last minute if you want things the way you want them.

5. Be sure to eat throughout the day and always have a bottle of water on the ready.
This goes for brides and grooms. The day is long and hectic. It is easy to forget to eat or convince yourself it's OK not to eat because you will eat later. You will have no idea the next time you will get to eat, so eat every opportunity you get. Same thing with drinking water. Stay hydrated. I almost passed out. Also, make sure you have good attendants. At the wedding, my girls and the Best Man made sure my husband and I got food and drinks the entire wedding. My girls also picked up croissants, fruit, cheese, and juice while we were getting ready. If you have wedding party newbies, ask them ahead of time to make sure they do this. It made all the difference.

6. Try to enjoy the moment. Be in the moment as much as possible.
I read this piece of advice a million times, too, but didn't really understand until my wedding day finally came. The day is a blur and seems as if it goes by in a blink of an eye. I got up at 9am and went to the beauty salon for hair and makeup at 10:30. Next I knew, it was 2:30pm and I was an hour late to leave for the hotel with my girls. From that point until the ceremony itself, I was rushing. Time was fleeting and I didn't have time to breathe or enjoy anything. Even when my husband was reading his vows to me, my mind was racing about so many other things (like photos we still needed to have taken and how we weren't going to have time to do them if we wanted to make it to at least part of the Cocktail Hour) - I didn't even really pay attention to what he was saying. Good thing we ended up hiring a videographer (a non-budgeted expense) so we can relive everything! But, I wish I had let some of that stuff go and lived in the moment a bit more.

7. Make sure you have enough time for your reception. 
This kind of goes along with #7. Everything goes by so fast. That feeling is intensified if you have a short reception. Our reception was only 3 1/2 hours (7:30-11pm). We had to shut everything down at 11pm because our wedding was outside and we had to respect noise ordinances. Also, our reception could not start until 7:30pm because our ceremony could not start until 6pm because we got married at a zoo, which did not close to the public until 5pm. When we were planning, we were thinking how great it was that everything was had to be done in such a small amount of time. That meant everyone had to get out at 11pm so we could relax. It also meant paying our DJ, photographer, and videographer for less time, which saved us money. And it did. But it wasn't really worth it. I would have spent the extra money for at least another hour. Also, having a small time frame leaves very little room for error. For instance, our dinner was 45 minutes late being served. So once everyone was done with dinner, our DJ had to speed up the cake cutting, bouquet toss, and garter toss. Also, because dance time was shortened, our DJ felt he needed to keep energy high (and he was right), so all those pretty slow love songs we were hoping to dance to did not get played. We also never got to just sit and enjoy it. We were pulled in so many directions at one time the entire night to make sure we got to everything and thanked everyone. When booking your venue, ask how long you can have for your reception. If less than 4 hours, take this into serious consideration when comparing it to other venues. In the end, even with the short reception time, I would still choose our venue knowing what I know now. It was perfect for us, but the reception time was a drawback.

8. Get a dress you will be comfortable in all night. 
My dress had a corset. Not just a lace-up back, a full corset with wires pulling me in and everything. Of course when I tried on the dress I got carried away and dismissed my discomfort due to how tiny the dress made my waist look. This was a mistake that I did not realize was a mistake until I was in my dress for an hour. I couldn't breathe because I was being so sucked in and I could not sit down. By the end of the night, my feet were killing me. I wanted to go to my favorite dance club after the wedding since it ended so early, but I opted not to because I was just so uncomfortable. I could not bear the thought of staying in that dress any longer than I had to. I discovered first hand why those stupid bitches on Say Yes to the Dress get two dresses. I was like, "You only get to wear a gorgeous gown with a beautiful train for ONE day! Just suck it up and wear it the whole night!" But boy was I drying for something else to change into immediately after our first dance. So, if you fall in love with a dress with uncomfortable features (like a corset), perhaps consider getting a second dress.

9. Having a traditional wedding is kind of overrated. 
This seems like a harsh thing for me to say and it makes me sad to even think it, but it's kind of true. I spent 13 months being stressed out with wedding plans, my then-fiance and I fought over these plans, and by the time the wedding came, I didn't get to enjoy it. I am still shocked when our guests tell me they had such a great time. I assume all their experiences were the same as mine: I was hot, sweaty, stressed, hungry, and I had one drink the entire night. Turns out, they had a blast. And that's just it: weddings are for everyone else. Everyone is there for the bride and groom, but in the end, a wedding is a big party for your guests. Once again, I do not regret having my wedding. If given the chance to go back in time to do it over again, I would still have a wedding. And I would never tell anyone not to have a wedding that wanted one. However, if there are brides and grooms out there who are on the fence about it and are not being pressured by their Italian mother to have one because they are her only child and daughter (my situation right here),, then I might say save your money and do an awesome destination wedding with just your closest family and friends. Originally, we wanted just about 15 people or so to join us in the Red Wood Forest of California for a small wedding in a tree and dinner at a restaurant. Which would have been just as lovely. Still, I am happy we had a bigger wedding and am grateful that we had financial support from our families to do so. There's just realities that coincide with the fairy tale.